Thanksgiving is often painted as a picture-perfect moment of gratitude, warm gatherings, full tables, and joyful reflection.

But for many people… that’s not the reality.
Gratitude can feel complicated when life feels complicated.

Maybe someone you love won’t be at the table this year.
Maybe you’re walking through a tough diagnosis.
Maybe finances are tight.
Maybe your relationships feel strained.
Or maybe there’s that one family member who makes every holiday feel like an emotional obstacle course.

If this is you, you’re not alone.
And there is nothing “wrong” with you for finding it difficult to feel gratitude right now.

This week, as part of No Quit November, I want to offer a more honest, compassionate approach to Thanksgiving; one that honors your humanity and gives you tools to find peace, presence, and grounding.

Gratitude Isn’t a Mood — It’s a Practice

Positive psychology teaches us something powerful:

You don’t have to feel grateful to practice gratitude.
The practice itself creates the feeling… not the other way around.

Even on the hardest days, engaging in small gratitude moments helps calm the nervous system, widen perspective, and restore a sense of control. It doesn’t erase pain, but it helps hold it with softness.

Why Thanksgiving Can Trigger Stress (The SCARF Model in Action)

In our Holiday Harmony workshop, we teach the SCARF model; the five social needs that shape our emotional reactions:

• Status

• Certainty

• Autonomy

• Relatedness

• Fairness

Holidays can challenge all five.

A rude family member may threaten your status.
A loss or diagnosis may shake your certainty.
Financial stress can affect your sense of autonomy.
Family conflict threatens relatedness.
And unbalanced expectations trigger fairness issues.

When these needs feel threatened, our brains shift into protection mode, not gratitude mode.

The goal isn’t to pretend everything is fine. Please no more toxic positivity during the holidays. The goal is to support your nervous system so you can stay grounded, present, and connected, even in an imperfect holiday.

Here Are a Few Tools to Help You Through This Week:

1. Name the Hard Thing (Self-Compassion First)

Before gratitude comes honesty.
Acknowledge what hurts.
Say to yourself:

“This is a hard moment, and it makes sense that it feels hard.”

Self-compassion reduces emotional intensity by up to 40%.
It is the psychological doorway to authentic gratitude.

2. Gratitude for the Possible, Not the Perfect

On challenging holidays, gratitude doesn’t need to be big.
Try focusing on small, steady wins:

• “I’m grateful for the ability to breathe deeply.”

• “I’m grateful for a warm cup of coffee.”

• “I’m grateful for one person who makes me feel safe.”

• “I’m grateful for the chance to begin again tomorrow.”

These micro-gratitudes shift the brain out of protection mode and into connection mode.

3. Set Emotional Boundaries Before You Walk In

If there’s a difficult person at the table, decide ahead of time:

• What topics you will not engage in

• How you will excuse yourself if you feel overwhelmed

• What support you can ask for

• What energy you will not absorb

A pre-commitment increases follow-through by 80%.

4. Anchor Yourself With the 20-Second Reset

This is one of the Holiday Harmony tools that people love most:

• Inhale for 4

• Hold for 2

• Exhale for 8
  Repeat 3 times.

This pattern instantly calms the stress response and restores clarity.

5. Find One Thing Your Body Allows You to Do Today

Tie this into last week’s theme.
Maybe your body lets you walk.
Or hug someone.
Or taste your favorite food.
Or laugh.
Or breathe.
Your body may not be perfect, but it’s still carrying you through the world.

That alone is gratitude-worthy.

This Thanksgiving, Give Yourself Permission for an Imperfect Holiday

You don’t need to perform gratitude. We are not putting on a show!
You don’t need the picture-perfect day. We are making memories.
You don’t need to force joy. Embrace each moment authentically.

You just need one small moment of appreciation, one breath, one pause, one connection, to bring yourself back into the present.

And remember:
No Quit November isn’t about pretending everything is okay.
It’s about not quitting on yourself.

You’re allowed to feel everything you’re feeling
and
still choose gratitude in the smallest, quietest way.

Need More Support This Holiday Season?

If the holidays bring stress, conflict, or emotional overwhelm, our Holiday Harmony Workshop is designed for you. It teaches you how to:

• Navigate difficult people

• Reduce social stress

• Stay grounded under pressure

• Protect your energy

• Create emotional safety for yourself and others

And if you want more personalized support, my Stress Management Coaching can help you build resilience, regulate emotions, and create balance during the busiest time of the year.

Ready to bring more calm, clarity, and connection into the holidays?
Let’s talk. Book a call here - https://calendly.com/lfwellness/30min.